Uncovering us;

You think I'm secretive and I regret to accept that instinct of me. Well, I have told you self-abandonment issue about the story behind my good times. So when you ask me to explain why am I uncomfortable I don't know what to say. I break the eye contact as I try to avoid such conversations and You try to make that time more preferable and say "don't think too much" you say as you pull me closer and I want to stay with you for the time being as much as I can until you move. I don't feel distracting togetherness. Instead, I genuinely feel be saved from ruin.

You haven't asked me why am I not tell you about the love I do feel for you. Probably because you know or maybe because somehow you feel the same as there is no need to express it. I haven't thought about relationships concept like forever but after staying with you more than I've ever thought I'd started thinking about taking that long walk. still we haven't committed each other neither verbally nor written though I don't feel insecure.

When I look at you laughing for no such reason, I catch you gazing at me. It's much more than that. I can't make the end using the words I want it to be as It's not the poem I write. This is the happening of us. This will be the non-committed phase of us. That will more there will be.

me within me

Right now, I am living to find the right arrangement of the declared failure of my work, hopefully not me. I am trying to collaborating minimal me with highly flied myself.

I convinced myself in a closed room to make me more stronger towards the end and run myself to reopen me. Till now I always believed that I can fail at my work but my work can't fail me. Sometimes believing over freedom can also add a tremendous sense of depth and richness. We never know how the clock ticks in reverse. I can't get when did it become so desirable yet unattainable; It must have been real at some point. It is easy to change things not state of mind when attempts were simple but times were not.

I am not sure what to precise about anything anymore; I am not even sure what will my next move and where it leads me.

I like to have true darks rather than consequence over power. This truest sense makes me feel more revealing myself.

quiet a start;

Once on an evening, again we sat on the roof. I truly felt being me with him, he probably bethought me and believed that I wouldn't have feel this sense of touch and closeness before maybe because I haven't talked about it yet, maybe he wanted to make me feel better. He knew nothing about the moments I had been experienced with someone before I met him. Yes, It's a part of past for the time being. He might have thought that it could be something on which I am not really proud of but nay, I genuinely feel relieved since being part of that moves.

And on that evening, I was rediscovering myself without getting into words. Till now I have been hiding that phase of me from everybody including me. He is the one with whom I tried to be eloquent but I couldn't open myself completely. Perhaps I should have said that. There was no fear of being judged,there was no  fear of expressing but I couldn't. And he, still looking in my eyes and questioning me about that untold stories and said, "I live you, there is no reason why you should not tell me, feel free to say. if you don't want it now; I will wait, no worries."
Then his fingers directed my eyes to the highlighted stars and we smiled at the moon.

In silence, we hugged tightly; he kissed me and whispered  "I want to feel your soul entirely before your body." and I felt like quite a start;

not you

The man was restless or at least at the time he was becoming occupied. According to his plan he called me to meet every alternate day and all my time already surrendered to him unconditionally. I never tried to figure why, maybe I didn't know the importance before, maybe it could be convenient distraction. He once asked me to trust him and I smiled at him. He knew every damn things about me but never lived me.

We used to sat on second bench, He cracked a few jokes, did some small talks and usually I responded with laughter and nods. We hardly ever talk afterwards. Yes, I didn't know about intimacy but he was best at teaching and I was the younger one. I wasn't completely agree to his actions though can't say that things between us was created forcefully and maybe that is a good thing or maybe that is bad.

Incredible things you said

you said you are not good at writing but all I know is you are exposing truth from your unsaid tales;

you said you don't believe in relationships but all I know is we are falling together;

you said you are curious about everything but all I know is you are unquestionable;

you said you are old school romantic but all I know is you are angrez at times;

you said you are very confusing but all I know is your all the steady decisions;

you said you are quite but all I know is your all the talkative manners;

you said you don't want to live but all I know is your dreaming about cooking under one roof;

you said you are too rational but all I know is you are trying to follow my feelings;

you said you are not good at mathematics but all I know is your counting about my wish list;

Saved letter

Dear tolerable one,

I am a binder of myself to myself though I can totally completely be self-forgetting lover;

I am becoming you so so much that you have to remind me for my older version;

You probably always know what you want to say and when, I am really bad at expressing and so maybe I am much good at pretending confusion for each and every us-thing;

I used to seek freedom within freedom, please don't mind my unfolded wings. I promise if I ever fly too far, I will keep reminding myself about all the way come back to you;
I will make sure that you would not need to bother yourself for finding me as I know you are not familiar with map indicator.

truly yours,
(#onlyyouknow)

And tell that hopeless romantic girl that....

And tell that hopeless romantic girl that....

He is also an old school romantic who wants to believe in hope and once upon a time and happily ever after fairy tales, but the years have worn out all the outer crust into hard and bitter rough skin.

He is an adult too for a very long time but yet he misses to make stupid decisions he could made while the logic didn't over power the feelings within him. And because everyone's heart has been broken in the past, he does not know which one is logically sound decision and which one is overwhelmed by the feelings. 

He knows people break other people's heart sometimes, and he fears most that he will break someone's too.  So he would want you to be the one who follows her feelings while he is being too rational.

He is very good at listening and he would spend years just to listen to her speak anything. He sometimes says alot and sometimes nothing at all because he is afraid he doesn't have the right words which she would not be afraid to hear of.

He is quite not good at mathematics as he might have boasted about;

He sometimes wonders if he is within the words she wrote in her papers. And sometimes she has to bear when she is pointing her fingers up in the sky and his eyes are fixed at her because may be he might be stupid enough to find all the stars there;

He would one day surprise her with the tickets of that lame Bollywood movie (in his opinion) whose trailer she showed him and he just replied "meh" at that time. He dreams of cooking a really bad lunch with her while they both stay confused of what exactly hell they are supposed to do.

He doesn't even like to watch sport, he just pretends just because as a guy he is supposed to like something manly but personally he doesn't find sitting in a sofa with chips in his hand watching someone playing something a manly act.

#nowadays